“This Party Ain’t Got No Alcohol”

A totally homemade song.

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Listen to the Song

Story behind the Song

This is one of my anthems. The chorus came to me while driving to work in North Carolina one morning. I don’t drink, and I don’t think it’s very cool, but I knew that was generally the opposite sentiment of people my age (I was in college when I wrote this song). I actually got cast in a play in NYC because of this song; at an audition they asked us to rap, so I brought this out in the audition and it worked.

The music is some kind of loop I made on my Casio SK-1, possibly a loop of a toy keymonica I played.

It’s funny: The song is badass because it’s so contra-badass. But admittedly, my brother is more badass than I am: He’s featured in the chorus and sounds more authentic. And of course, my mom got in on the action, which makes the song extra sweet!

Lyrics

“This Party Ain’t Got No Alcohol”

hey, wait,
you know it’s not late
where ya think you’re goin’ with that oilslick date?
they say this party’ll go down like murdered sharon tate
so you better just sit and wait

hey, you’s,
stop right in your shoes
this ain’t no rules and you’s ain’t no fools
where ya takin’ flipper from the place where it’s cools
what’s that you say? no booze?

THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL

trippin’, sippin’,
fartknockers rippin’
in the phat frat house with the studs and the phillies
givin’ each other’s wet willies, sillies

but here are gina’s
we ain’t got no zimas
or buds, or bud lights, or red dog

THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL

sorry, schmucks,
barfin’ outta trucks
we don’t do that kinda schtuff
‘cuz we like to party,
not vomit in a potty
no cigs, no joints, no snuff

we play twister, mousetrap, card games
pin-the-tail-on-the-bleepin’-bleep-donkey
we don’t get arrested
we don’t go to jail
we don’t get arraigned
we don’t post bail

THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL

cops come
men armed with guns
partygoers pullin’ out their weapons
mess of beer and bullet bad-shots
six men dead, six women

THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL
THIS PARTY AIN’T GOT NO ALCOHOL

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PERSEVERE.
LET ME KNOW YOU SAW THIS.
WHY DOES THE SUN SHINE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
FLOCCINAUCINIHILIPILIFICATION.
AH... REFRESHING.
ACCOMPLISHMENT.