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Listen to the Song

Story behind the Song

My first “major” song, this is my first time formally experimenting with looping software. I found some awesome dance loops and created a cool dance track with them.

It also features a blizzard of cool rhymes. At the time, the IRC garnered a lot of internet fame because it featured a journal called “True Porn Clerk Stories.” Many new members joined just to add their own journals, which proved a little bit of a problem as the IRC was not a blog site.

This song was a surprising contrast to “4,000,” the first posting song I made. An ironic braggadocious arrogance is evident in this song as in other posting songs, which is not sincere and instead intended for comic effect.

And included in it is the work of two contributors. The IRC’s spacedani contributed the female sounds in the bridge, and the IRC’s domweasel contributed the vocally modulated phrase near the end of the bridge. (I’d recruited the IRC to provide me with soundbytes to whip into a song, and domweasel was the only obliging member.)

Lyrics

“5,000″

time to introduce
i’m benorbeen
posting on the irc
god knows when

computer keyboard
haven’t got a pen
the last song i wrote
called “4,000″

sorry to be mean
call me benorbeen
doesn’t really matter
it’s just how it’s seen

i have a lot of posts
don’t mean to boast
but please raise your glass
i’m gonna make a toast

I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!

oops, wow!
that was kinda loud
i was hoping you could hear me,
porn clerk crowd

you come to read a journal
i’m a lot more eternal
i’m a big fat popcorn
and you are but a kernel

post like an uzi
online jacuzzi
on my coke there’s a koozie
i’m feeling kinda woozy

did someone spike my drink?
i post before i think
i think i’m at the brink
watch my face turn PINK!

I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!
I HAVE 5,000 POSTS!

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about Ben Hauck

I'm an actor, athlete, and improv comedian. I'm also a writer and teacher of both long-form improv and general semantics. Definitely not your average dude.

I also run marathons, webmaster websites, and sometimes I sleep.

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No one need be told how indispensable it is to have true ideas—just concepts—correct notions—of the things with which we humans have to deal; everyone knows for example, that to mistake solids for surfaces or lines would wreck the science and art of geometry; anyone knows that to confuse fractions with whole numbers would wreck the science and art of arithmetic; everyone knows that to mistake vice for virtue would destroy the foundation of ethics; everyone knows that to mistake a desert mirage for a lake of fresh water does but lure the fainting traveler to dire disappointment or death.

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“5,000″”

One of the infamous Posting Songs.

Listen to the Song

Story behind the Song

Lyrics

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